Life and near Death at Little Makaha - 2004

I had spent my life surfing the PB/La Jolla/Cliffs area. Its where I grew up, learned to surf and where I put in the time figuring out each spot and earning my place in the line up. At the time of this story, I was up in North County working all the time but would still jam down and surf my hometown breaks when the surf was good. At work on this day, I had been watching Surfline track a huge low pressure system up in the North Pacific. It was early March and this was looking to be the last big swell of the year, so I watched closely.

There was one big wave spot in La Jolla that I had surfed a handful of times over the years. It only broke on rare occasions but when it did, it could be magic. Over the years Ive seen some pretty epic waves out there and with the swell lining up, I knew it would be huge and perfect.

The day was march 10th, a Thursday if I remember right. This swell turned out to be the same swell that Ghost Tree would became famous. The Northern buoys were 22' at 20 seconds. I knew there would be some huge surf and by the time it made its way to San Diego, it should be clean and not as big. I was hoping for 12'-15' waves. If that was the case, the spot I had in mind would be like Fiji. I was sparked!

Ghost Tree March 2004

A few years earlier I had bought an 8'2" Hamish Graham channel bottom specifically for this wave. I had it in in the corner of my shop just waiting for the day that the spot to be right. As the years went by, I closed my shop and started working in Carlsbad. The board waited patiently to be ridden.

The 8'2" Hamish is on the bottom right.

As word of the swell spread, I left work early and blasted down the coast. I knew it was big as I drove down the I-5 because the occasional glimpses of coastline showed white water way out the back. Soon I arrived, pulled into a spot on a side street and walked down to give it a look. What I saw was a shocker. The wave breaks out far, about a 1/3 of a mile. Normally there is a channel that takes you around the inside wave and you then paddle out to a shallow sandbar in the kelp beds. When I had surfed it before, it was a basic paddle allowing for plenty of time to watch and get a feel for the intervals. On this day, the sets came through often and it looked different than the other times I had watched it. What was normally a perfect left was now a thick sectioning wave. The sets were massive.

I went back to my car, suited up and waxed my five year old virgin gun. I made my way down the old crumbling stair case and onto the rocks. I jumped in. The water was cold and my feet were numbed quickly. It was so big I had to paddle across the cove towards South Bird and make my way out towards the right. The left channel was gone. During my 45 minute paddle I really started to get excited. I had been surfing great and was in good shape. My mindset was right and I was hyped to catch some of the biggest waves of my life. As I neared the lineup, I watched a set approach. It was huge. Thick black lines in a set of 5 waves approached, each wave bigger than the one before. The right had huge barrels spinning off the sandbar into the deep water. The left, which is what I had come for, was horseshoeing like I had never seen. The tide was low, the wind was light off shore and the line up was empty except for me.

Earlier I had seen an old friend paddle out on a 9'6" Brewer but he disappeared to the north. I never did see him out there.  I made my way across the take off area from the right towards the left. A set approached and I spun and paddled for the last wave of a set. It was moving so fast and sucking out so hard that I had no chance to get in. Even If I could have, I didn't want it. It was easily 3 times over head and looking mean, nothing at all like I had surfed it in the past. I pulled back, turned and looked back out to sea. My heart instantly sunk. I felt sick to my stomach. Over a mile away huge black lines raced toward the line up. I wasn't outside by any means and was in the worst spot possible...the wrong side of the peak.

LM a couple years earlier

I put my head down and paddled as hard as I ever have, I was racing to meet the set and hopefully make it over. As I write this, my heart is pounding. What happened next still plays out in slow motion in my mind.

The first wave stood up and was easily 4 times over-head. I paddled hard and was climbing up the face. I had surfed some big waves in Hawaii and Fiji but this was the biggest surf I had ever been in the water with. It was alive with energy and made me feel very small. I just barely got over the first wave as the water droplets were blowing back, blinding me so I couldn't see. I could feel myself going down the back of the wave and as my eyes cleared, I saw the second wave was already standing as tall as a city street light. I didn't make it. It threw out 20 yards in front of me, top to bottom. I remember letting out a laugh because it was so ridiculous. How the hell did I get in this situation? I just got out here for fucks sake. This was going to be bad and I knew it.

I stood on my board and dove off. I got a great breath and swam fast and deep. My leash was 10' long and I felt the tension on my leg as the destruction hit. With my eyes wide open, I looked and saw the plumes coming down toward me. I tried to be calm and relax as much as possible which was futile since I was facing my worst fear. The mushroom cloud exploded and I got pushed down deeper. I waited and waited but the turbulance wasn't ending and I was afraid that if i waited to long, I was going to get a two wave hold down. I fought to make my way up which was not easy. Finally reaching the surface, I saw the most horrible sight...an even bigger wave that was getting ready to land on my head. I had one quick second to get a breath and dove a mere two feet under water and got utterly destroyed. I had almost no breath and my heart was beating out of my chest. I was driven down deep and was instantly panicking and out of air. I was starting to freak out and couldn't make any headway. I was rolling and rag-dolling so fast. I was terrified. I struggled to the surface gasping for sweet air after what seemed like an eternity. I was now in full hyper ventilation mode and tripping out.

Thats when the third wave hit me...
I didn't even make it underwater as it smashed into me. I was out of air and actually breathed out my remaining air as soon as I was pushed down. I fought for the surface. My thoughts went to my kids and what they were going to do without me. I was starting to see the green dots and knew I was in the process of drowning. I remember my father telling me spearfishing stories about fighting fish and seeing the green dots. I remembered my friend David Anderson who had drowned from Shallow water blackout. Then, totally inexplicably, I felt as though a hand pushed me up and for just a split second. I was able to get a quick breath of air before being pulled under. The green dots took over once more and I started fighting with all I had to get to the surface. My body was screaming for air. Every fiber of my being was in survival mode as my third 20 second hold down was almost over.

The feeling of desperation and fear is an overwhelming one. My brain was taking me into these bizarre images and thoughts because it was starved for oxygen. All I kept thinking at that point was why?

Just then I surfaced and was freaking out. I started looking for my board but the ocean wasn't done with me yet as the fourth wave, a wall of white water 15' high, rolled into me. I didnt even get my face underwater.  I didn't have any air and my breathing was fucked. I couldn't fight any longer. I was now starting to black out and felt water in my mouth as I was trying to breathe air that wasn't there. By some luck or miracle, I came up fast and was able to stay near the surface as I rolled. I got pulled under a couple more times but mostly it was minor compared to shit kicking I had just endured from the previous waves.

As I opened my eyes waiting for the next wave to finish me, I saw...nothing. I couldn't believe it. I turned and looked toward shore and to my disbelief my leash had held and my board was close. I was in tears and so fucking scared. I got onto my board and even though I wanted to lay there and rest, I knew I had to get out of there immediately. I started to paddle furiously south towards the channel by the right. Fear was pounding in me as I looked toward the horizon and saw yet another monster set starting to move in fast. The dread was over-powering and I remember audibly saying "NO! NO! NO!" I knew that if I got caught inside, I would die. My breathing was fanatical and totally out of control as I paddled for my life.

LM from above Bird Rock

The first wave stood up as I was almost to the channel, I was going to have to duck dive a 15' wave mid face. The terror was immense as I pushed through the green wall. I thought I was for sure going to go over, but amazingly, I got through it. I just got under the second one in the same way... the next two just missed me as I was finally safe in the channel. As I lay on my board totally exhausted near tears, I couldn't believe what had just happened to me. Sitting there, I watched another set come in well over 20'. The swell was peaking right in front of me. As I watched, I realized I had been dragged underwater for at least 150 yards from where the first wave crushed me. If my board or leash had broke, I have no doubt that I would have died that afternoon.

My whole life I have surfed and never felt like my life was in danger or that I couldn't handle the situation. I had now been brought to my limit and felt humbled and strangely...sad. I pulled my shit together and started paddling further south where I saw a dude who had watched the whole thing go down. I paddled by him as he started to ask how it was. I looked at him with hollow eyes not saying a word and kept paddling. Not wanting any part of it, he started to paddle south as well. Over the next hour as I paddled back in, I replayed the situation over and over and thought of how I felt as though I was pushed back to the surface on the third hold down.

My dad had passed away 15 years earlier and had dove these waters for over forty years and I scattered his ashes in the same area. In fact, for years I would paddle out here and leave roses on the anniversary of his passing. Id like to think he lent me the hand that day because it wasn't my time.

My Dad

As I reached the rocks I got out and looked back. There were now two guys out and I watched one drop into a wave that was easily four times overhead and he got obliterated. I walked to my car very calm and quiet and changed. I looked at this board that I had bought years before specifically for this day and how the only time it was stood upon was when I had to dive off. I drove up the small hill to the lookout and watched one last set. The tide was filling in and the swell was now starting to back down. My friend Rick was there in his car with Binos and told me he saw some of the biggest waves he had ever seen out there and that he had watched one guy get destroyed. I told him that he had watched me almost drown.

Later, I drove south and watched the swell produce 6' waves inside the Mission Beach Jetties at Molinas and watched Travis and a couple guys get dredging tubes. I wondered why I hadn't gone there or the cliffs. I went home and had a quiet few days. For months after I was totally shell shocked when I would surf and would panic every time I got get caught inside. It was a rough feeling being scared doing something I loved. Over the next months that feeling faded and I got back to normal. I did not, however, want to ride big waves any more. That is firmly behind me as I approach my fortieth year of life.

The Hamish now resides in Birds Surf Shed, It still has yet to be ridden. I do miss that wave at times but Ill never surf it again. Thanks for the hand dad. I owe ya one in the next life.